A statue standing in Saskatoon of Canadian hockey great Gordie Howe, known both as Mr. Hockey and Mr. Elbow.

Dear America,

It’s Canada, your old, best friend! What are your polls reporting? You regret electing President Charlatan? Eh, when you get into a “kerfuffle” do what we Canadians do “Elbows up!”

Maybe your Charlatan can pull a rabbit out of a hat or presto-chango a Russian dog into a Ukrainian cat, but he can’t pull American jobs out of his tariffs.

But let’s not, too soon, hang our heads in despair. Maybe, in our trading, Canada will keep playing Ginger Rogers and America will keep playing Fred Astaire.

Tell your Midwest farmers a tariff war won’t cause them harm, as long as they can afford to pay more for Canadian potash, they can still grow and sell their corn. You betcha, you can still buy our maple syrup and Tim Hortons too, but you can’t buy us. “Elbows up!”

If goosestepping into Plato’s cave “nizes” your worldview then say a prayer and remember the five Great Lakes with you we’ll always share.

Not all Canadians speak French, buddy, but we all have savior faire. May our smiles tomorrow replace today’s icy stares. Until then, eh, keep buying our machinery, energy, and dream catchers, but you can’t buy us. “Elbows up!”

In closing, we’ll never lend our ears to your Lee Greenwood or fall for your Trojan Horse gift of statehood, but, to build your homes, you can keep buying our hardwood, and you can always join us in toasting our Margaret Atwood.

Pass around some courage, America, when you pass the ketchup and keep your elbows up.

Sincerely,

Liam Tremblay