Gorgeous George: Does he remind you of anyone, such as an orange-colored manboy with the initials DJT?

Like Prometheus stealing fire from the Gods, at last night’s Democratic nomination Kamala Harris stole the “heat” from Donald Trump. After suffering Trump’s decade -ong assault on truth and honor I was thrilled.

Before last night I typically mispronounced the Vice President’s name. Kamala (Comma-lah not Com allah), a former prosecutor, was the first of a dozen candidates to crash and burn in the Democrat’s 2020 nomination race. Her consolation prize was to be the successor of lynching target Mike Pence.

Last night the prosecutor shone like a laser. She gave a short, blistering denunciation of Donald Trump that warmed my heart. It had been in freefall since Don’s trip down the escalator nine years ago to shoulder aside the empty suits of the once vaunted Party of Lincoln. 

Trump’s campaign style was straight out of the World Wrestling Federation’s playbook. Its author Vince McMahon put steroids into professional wrestling’s fantasy world to rile up fans. Vince called audience mania “heat.” it has served Trump well by bringing people who never voted to the ballot box. Today Donald Trump’s heat seems to have cooled.  

The first time I saw professional wrestling was on black and white TV about 1960. My nine-year-old mind knew instinctively it was silly. One of its first innovators was Gorgeous George, one of the ring’s most successful heels. Gorgeous pissed off audiences by flouncing his long, blonde bouffant and bragging about how good looking he was. Remind you of anyone?

Before Vince McMahon there were about 25 regional wrestling territories. As with boxing there were several world champions. The “wrasslin” I watched for a few minutes before changing channels was part of the the Kansas City territory. When I moved to Minnesota I found an entirely different stable of supermen.

As a sophomore at Mankato High, where Governor Walz was later to teach, my diminutive Phy Ed teacher Laverne Klar, once a champion Iowa wrestler, lectured us that pro wrestling was fake. He was particularly dismissive of  a one- time national collegiate Champion, Verne Gagne, who went “pro.” Gagne made enough money hawking vitamins and health food that he became a co-owner of the Minnesota’s AWA with Wally Karbo. That gave the new wrestler/owner better leverage for scripting his successes in the ring. That’s why its illegal to gamble on pro wrestling.

Wally’s son was one of my college roommates. Steve was a Vietnam vet and four years my senior. Once after he’d been drinking I started reciting some stanzas from Hamlet that a ditzy English teacher had required me to memorize. I quickly faltered. To my shock Kid Karbo picked up the recitation where I’d left off and continued the Shakespeare for several long minutes. 

Steve once rented the Mankato Armory. He hired my fraternity to patrol the armory at a pro-wrestling card he’d put together.  To this day it’s the only live pro wrestling I’ve ever witnessed. I saw Dusty Rhodes bloodied and designated loser Scrap Iron Gadaski whipped. After I had kids I left it to my wife to take my son to a pro wrestling match. He mostly watched the audience.

Pro wrestling is not for sissies. Years of blows to the head took a toll on Verne Gagne. After his retirement dementia put him into memory care. Reliving his wrestling days the still beefy Gagne picked up a 97-year-old convalescent and body slammed him. Verne was arrested for murder but being demented all was forgiven. It didn’t hurt that the victim was a former fan. 

Trump too is a pro wrestling fan and friend of fellow billionaire Vince McMahon. He soaked up some of McMahon’s heat when they scripted a battle of  the billionaires. In a staged argument Trump slapped McMahon so the fight was on - between actual pro wrestlers chosen to do the actual fighting. The loser’s billionaire would be lathered up and shaved in the ring by the winning billionaire. Not surprisingly the script spared the narcissist’s golden mane.

Pro wrestling gave Trump one more idea - the example of Jesse Ventura whose wrestling celebrity got him elected governor of Minnesota. Ventura was a much better governor than Trump was a President. 

Ventura just endorsed Kamala Harris for President. Jesse wasn’t impressed with his old rival Hulk Hogan’s shirt ripping at the Trump Convention. It didn’t help that Hogan had ratted Ventura out to management when Jesse tried to organize a union to look out for the men in the ring. Trump prefers scabs and snitches.

I don’t know if Kamala Harris can pry the fans at ringside away from Donald Trump even though Trump raised their tax burden to give his fellow billionaires trillion dollar tax cuts.   

It’s too bad pro wrestling fans didn’t have Laverne Klar for gym.  

Hey Kamala. Don’t forget the shaving cream!

When Welty’s not running for office he occasionally bullies bullys at lincolndemocrat.com.