A steely-eyed glare, wild hair flying, screaming shrieks as if from a banshee, a fierceness you’ve never seen in your life, a single-minded rage, coming at you with teeth bared and talons extended….sounds like an image from a scary Halloween horror movie, but no…it’s really just your pissed off Scorpio girlfriend if you even think of crossing her in any way….which leads us to:

Ways to piss off a Scorpio

1. Talk to anyone else … I mean ANYONE!
2. Agree with anyone else (once again, ANYONE!)
3. Laugh with anyone else. Well … you get it by now.

In essence, unless you are completely and utterly devoted (this means handing over your nuts in a glass jar for safe keeping) you will, and I am certain here…eventually suffer the wrath and the venomous rage of your Scorpio partner.

Yes … they are exotic
Yes … thrilling
Yes … fun to be with, and then …

Their eyes take on the look of Voldemort when he’s really pissed, and you suddenly search your periphery for your wand … ANYTHING to stop the inevitable attack that WILL ensue.
Scorpio men as partners play it somewhat differently … they will threaten suicide if you think of leaving them…hide out in the garage or the basement for days….fashioning a make-shift homemade version of a guillotine.

To love a Scorpio is to say goodbye to the way you used to live.
Goodbye to college friends
Goodbye to drinking buddies
Goodbye to any female contact at all (if you’re male.)
Goodbye to your Mother??? Yes, I said your Mother, because let’s face it she could come between you and the “LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!”

If you somehow manage to reach a compromise with your Scorpio friend or lover, the moment you think everything is fine is when they suddenly decide that you are UP to something!!
And pull the following stunts:
A. “You never loved me … ever!”
B. “You don’t want to be with me!”
C. “You secretly hate me, don’t you?”
D. “You like your friends better than me!” (Well, actually you do.)
E. “Why don’t you just leave?”
F. “Go back to your OLD girlfriend (or boyfriend)!”
G. “I should just kill myself!”

Scorpio is perhaps the most complex and misunderstood zodiac sign…approaching life with total commitment, or none at all. Deeply secretive and impenetrable, Scorpios are often intensely lonely, and have a voracious need to connect deeply with others….picture if you will a sullen Loki trapped in an Asgardian prison, desperate to reach out to his brother, Thor, but clinging mindlessly to his mischievous, trickstery (real word) ways.

Don’t kid yourself, though, Scorpios don’t need your sympathy, they need your allegiance … in other words … kneel!

Get your crow bar out if you want to extract any real feelings from a Scorpio…but it can be done. It all depends on how vulnerable they happen to be feeling at the time … picture Snape with a “tude” …impossible to deal with.

Being highly intuitive and psychic, you may get the creepy feeling that your Scorpio friend or lover is messing with your head … one step ahead of you…saying what you are thinking before you get the chance to think it….and plotting their revenge in advance in case what you were thinking isn’t agreeable to them … “CARRIE,” anyone?

Scorpios are the most susceptible to the forces of darkness and light. Milton’s Lucifer in “Paradise Lost” exemplifies the dark side of the Scorpion nature: “Better to reign in hell, than serve in heav’n.”
Michael Myers, Freddy, Chucky, Jigsaw, and the Gingerbread Man (to name a few characters) are merely Scorpios in training….the kind that walk really slowly behind you and still catch up to you! Creepy!
But all is not lost … all Scorpios can effect transformations in themselves and transcend their personal and egocentric desires. Often their lives undergo dramatic twists of fate, and they seem to experience many lives in one.

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
Harry Potter … Albus Dumbledore

If the pervy side of you needs feeding…date a Scorpio. They can be the dominatrix of your dreams or just beat the shit out of you…your call.

Oddly enough, Scorpios seem to be drawn to the health care profession. Envision a Nurse Cratchett swapping out your anxiety meds for arsenic tabs.

Being no strangers to crises (some of their own making) they are highly perceptive of others. They see right through people, making others feel very uncomfortable.

Don’t even think of bullshitting a Scorpio, as they can smell a rat a mile away, and just like being on a Grand Adventure like Lord of the Rings, they will (like the Gollum) seek you out and find you , corner you, and demand what’s rightfully theirs!

You can almost hear a Scorpio hissing:
“Me wants it!”
“Me needs it!”
“Must have the Precious!”
“They stole it from us!”
“We so needs it!”

If you think you can escape a Scorpio’s wrath, know this … if necessary their fixed nature will allow them to wait for years to achieve their goals.

Be afraid…be very afraid.

Scorpio days of interest

Power days: Nov. 2, 3, 4
Challenging days: Nov. 15, 16, 17
Scorpios go apeshit: Nov. 17
Till we meet again …

Lady Ocalat is a Professional Astrologist, Reiki Master, Minister, and Tarot Reader. She can be reached at 218-722-2240, or at Lady Ocalat’s Emporium in downtown Duluth.