Editor’s note: I just had to run this column again. Man, we’ve lost our way as a people.

Okay all you illegal immigrants, don’t you come here or we’ll lock you up and take away your kids and throw away the key. Never mind that we won’t be eating any more vegetables unless you grow your own because much of our food is picked by you people but that doesn’t matter. Stop trying to come here or we’ll charge you with a crime and take away your kids.

How’s that for a Christian Nation you bad illegal immigrants. Christianity can be tough sometimes. It has to be when we’re protecting our way of life here, a life that’s under threat from all you people sneaking around, and the muslims and terrorists and those people who want to take away our guns and those people on welfare. I mean, we’re being surrounded in our own country if you can’t see that. We mean business. Never mind that kooky white men shoot up people with high-powered rifles or drive vans into crowds. We mean business. No more mamby-pamby immigration laws in this country. If we have to build a wall all around this great country of ours just to keep you out—with a moat full of alligators and crocodiles—we will. And you’ll pay for that great wall out of your fines for the crime of crossing the border illegally. Or maybe we’ll put you to work on an illegal immigrant chain gang if we have to and maybe you’ll even build that wall that you so casually ignore. We mean business. We’ve got plenty of room in our jails and we’ll build more if we need just to keep you from sneaking around our great country.

We mean business. You just don’t understand.
We won’t even be a majority any more as more and more of you people keep flooding our borders. I mean, we just can’t have that. Threats to our way of life are everywhere. Our white Christian Nation culture is under attack, don’t you get it? Pretty soon they’ll be taking away our guns and then taking away our Kentucky Fried Chickens and make us drive electric cars. Don’t you get what’s going on? Pretty soon they’ll make us put a solar panel on our roof just so we don’t use good old black lung coal and pollute our land like we’re so good at doing. I mean, pollution means progress, pollution means we’re building things and creating jobs. If you don’t think a Super Fund site creates jobs you’re crazy. Good paying jobs. Pollution means progress.

So don’t you come here and try to cause trouble. Go back to your own country and cause trouble. We’ve got enough trouble here with all the bad people trying to take away our God-given rights and turn us into a socialist dictatorship. Read the Constitution. God gave it to us for crying out loud. No other country has that. We’re the best country in the world and evil forces are trying to tear it down. You must have heard our slogan to “Make America Great Again.” It’s the real deal. So don’t sneak in here and make fun of our country.

You just don’t get it. Unless we can stem the tide by 2042 we won’t be the majority any longer. We won’t run the show. If we go to the grocery store you people of color will be filling the aisles and pushing us out into the street. We’ll be the homeless, strangers in our own land. Don’t you get it? We have to put a stop to this right now. Stop coming here and having babies that then become Americans by some dumb rule that the hippies put in the Constitution. I mean those kids could grow up to be the president and then we’re really in trouble. We had enough trouble with that dictator who was born in Kenya . He tried to change the whole thing right under our noses but we caught him at his game and now we’re changing this whole country back to where it belongs, stuck right in the segregated 1950s, back when it was all good. 

Don’t come here or we’ll throw you in jail and take away your kids and throw away the key. We’re a Christian Nation. And if we have to get tough and maybe even rough you up a bit to make a point we will. Go back to where you come from and take a few other people of color with you because we don’t like them either. They don’t believe in America . They just want to bring up bad fake news like slavery or that we killed most of the people who were here in the first place. Read your Constitution. The Founding Fathers didn’t even count them as people at all so it was meant to be that we’d take all their land and shove them aside. Read your history book. Every country kills people who were there in the first place or there wouldn’t be progress and pollution and jobs for middle class white people, the people who built this great country with their own bare hands. You can thank Christopher Columbus for finding this place and now they want to say he’s not a hero, that he was a bum for opening the door. Well you can forget that. We’re here now and we run the show and you can stop your crying. Get with the program. Love it or leave it. And for those of you who aren’t here yet, stay away or we’ll lock you up and take away your kids and throw away the key.

We mean business.