The National Union of Friendly Americans (NUFA) has issued a “Liar’s Alert of the Highest Degree” for any statement offered by our president Payosa Loco, the Crazy Clown. NUFA’s crack Truth or Consequences Squad has never recorded such a high level of lying, falsifying, prevaricating, deceiving, misinforming, exaggerating, distorting, concocting, misrepresenting, dissembling or deluding.

   The debate has raged at NUFA bars and lounges nationwide between the various psychological and philosophical agencies that determine who’s friendly and who’s just plain not friendly and thus, not deserving of the personal bartender guaranteed for all members in good standing. Some in the organization believe Payosa Loco is more than “not friendly”, believing him to be mentally unstable. In a letter signed by at least 35 NUFA psychiatrists, psychologists and poets, the case was laid out carefully.

   Thank you to Lance Dodes and Joseph Schachter of our Beverly Hills, California chapter for deliberating. “Mr. Trump’s speech and actions demonstrate an inability to tolerate views different from his own, leading to rage reactions. His words and behavior suggest a profound inability to empathize. Individuals with these traits distort reality to suit their psychological state, attacking facts and those who convey them. “In a powerful leader, these attacks are likely to increase, as his personal myth of greatness appears to be confirmed. We believe that the grave emotional instability indicated by Mr. Trump’s speech and actions makes him incapable of serving safely as president.”

   On the other hand is a differing opinion by our foremost authority, the Exalted Shack Master. When he’s not marching around the shack carrying on with his silly Napoleanic demands he’s not such a bad fellow. Remember, no one can sneak across NUFA’s very open and welcoming borders without being friendly. Thank you to Allen Frances of our Coronado, California chapter for interpreting the words of our beloved and irascible Exalted Shack Master. “He may be a world class narcissist, but this doesn’t make him mentally ill, because he does not suffer from the distress and impairment required to diagnose mental disorder. Mr. Trump causes severe distress rather than experiencing it and has been richly rewarded, rather than punished, for his grandiosity, self-absorption and lack of empathy. It is a stigmatizing insult to the mentally ill (who are mostly well behaved and well meaning) to be lumped with Mr. Trump (who is neither). “Psychiatric name-calling is a misguided way of countering Mr. Trump’s attack on democracy. He can, and should, be appropriately denounced for his ignorance, incompetence, impulsivity and pursuit of dictatorial powers. His psychological motivations are too obvious to be interesting, and analyzing them will not halt his headlong power grab. The antidote to a dystopic Trumpean dark age is political, not psychological.”

   Those two viewpoints certainly hit the nail on the head, even in their differences over what might be termed as mentally ill and what is termed a looney human being acting as our president. We at NUFA weren’t quite sure what to call his last Thursday rumble with reporters. Was it a press conference or a psychiatric exam? What we certainly know is that whatever it was it wasn’t friendly.    

   At NUFA, it’s all about being friendly, kindly, amiable, neighborly, sociable, civil, attentive, agreeable, accommodating, pleasant, cordial and congenial. The man frightens small children and dogs. Forget that he has frightened over 60 percent of the population at this point in his presidency. The man scares small children and dogs. He is not friendly. Is he nuts or a narcissist to the degree we haven’t encountered before in recent human history? It doesn’t matter. He scares small children and dogs.

   He is not friendly. He is a liar, a prevaricator, deceiver, perjurer, falsifier and a fibber. Supporters clinging to the hope that he’ll mend his ways and actually think about one single person, let alone the rest of the country, without it having to massage his fragile ego, will be sorely disappointed. It won’t be long now. The man is just not friendly. The National Union of Friendly Americans (NUFA) “Liar’s Alert of the Highest Order” takes effect immediately. NUFA will see to it that Payosa Loco can’t sidestep deception much longer. As noted in an earlier column, his personal bartender and NUFA privileges for members in good standing have been revoked. His sorry appeal was denied. And if history is any judge, when that happens, it’s never long before narcissists and nincompoops are back at the door, begging to be let back in.