*On my latest Twin Ports adventure I was going down Arrowhead on my way to worship at one of the big box wonders. Creature of habit, I was in the left lane in order to make the next left to take me to one of the big box places of worship. A few lengths ahead and to the right were cars keeping pace. Alongside there suddenly rushed a smaller car that zipped ahead of me. I touched the brake to keep space while expecting the eager driver to join me in soon turning left, but no. Having gained the left lane the driver decided they should be in the right and did so causing another car to slow as only then did they seem to realize that if the stoplight was near on the left side it was by then even nearer on the right. Reality dawning, they switched to the far right for a turn. Puzzling car maneuvers are nothing new to any of us. A driver focused on cutting among cars for no apparent purpose exhibits what I’d call poor automotive planning. It is, however, more economical of time and process to simplify that to the single word “idiot.”
*Why is it that people with little to contribute are often the most insistent to do so? Why do persons with nothing to say take so long to get the job done? Why does a person in a checkout line wait to ask the cashier what brand of cat litter they recommend and why are they not swayed when the cashier says they don’t have a cat?
*In my teens I learned not to argue with my mother. Never able to win, I gave up trying as an empty and fruitless pursuit. In later life I learned this lesson applies to argument with all women.
*The surest way to avoid doing a task you’d sooner avoid (or dread for its utter uselessness) is tell your partner you’ll do it tomorrow. This works ninety percent of the time. If it fails apologize with profuse sincerity and promise to start on it first thing. The victor will be so pleased with an abject surrender they will rarely notice that tomorrow and first thing are kissing close as cousins can be.
*People who talk too much about nothing can sometimes be silenced with the following question. “What’s your favorite mechanical humming sound, the refrigerator or furnace?” The question is so unimportant and meaningless they are sure to find if of deep interest.
*People who think aloud too much can be paused by this. “Would there be light in a room going at the speed of light?”
*As a child I did school math by counting on fingers and toes. This reliable method, however, was useful only for sums less than twenty one.
*Nothing short of vaporization can help a person who thinks sweat shirt, pants, and earth shoes are suitable wear in a restaurant with white table linen.
*People with plans to help you can save your money are usually totally oblivious to the foolishness of the plan, its outrageous costs, or both.
*Those who object to others being authoritarian and fascist usually do a darn good job of it themselves.
*What do you do when you find offensive people who are easily offended?
*Body odor can kill romance quicker than a dog’s nose poking your rump.
*Tolerance is good, but be careful what you tolerate. This includes the obvious, such as cannibalism, and the subtle, such as large portions of certain dogmas.
*Few things last longer than temporary solutions.
*If something is really peaceful I shouldn’t have to be reminded to call it that.
*Here’s a thought. Casual should not be called a style. Rather, it is an absence of a real style and is just about indistinguishable from sloppiness of habit, poor taste, and ignorance. Casual does go well with a lack of manners.
*If a person wants to give me a piece of their mind they should be prepared for me to use a bone saw to ensure I get the full piece.
*Cats are not inclined toward marching in line or taking orders. They’d make poor soldiers and poorer true believers.
*I approve of the Polish saying, “If you’re given lined paper you should write the other way.”
*If everyone thought the same there wouldn’t be much to think and we’d all have died bored.
*In a battle between faith and science faith will always win because it can hold its breath longer.
*Believing what you wish is freedom. Saying I have to agree with it is tyranny.
*In the land of the true believer the biggest fool rules supreme.
*Counting to infinity is bound to take forever. (Try it.)
*Shared infatuation is an agreement between the mutually insane.
*Bad ideas are the most expensive. (I can prove it.)
*In my youth few would have believed that godless communism could be so easily replaced by something a good deal worse.
*Muhammad was the first evolutionist saying Jews were descended from monkeys and pigs. Thirteen hundred years later Darwin amended this by removing the pig and including everyone with the monkey. Having seen human behavior I lean with Darwin.
*In my day getting away from trouble depended on how fast father’s car could get you back home.
*I suspect being out of synch with modern times by thinking a device that will buzz and intrude nearly everywhere at any hour of day or night sounds more curse than convenience. I saw a man in a produce department discussing cantaloupes with his wife by cell phone and felt nothing but pity for the poor soul.
*A lifetime guarantee is all about fine print.
*Having countless programs to choose from is all the proof I need there are far more than I’ll ever need or use. In most cases On and Off are option enough.
*A lot of people love and admire their beliefs far more than they love or respect their fellow man.
*The difference between ignorance and not knowing lies in admitting it.
*If I’m having a bad day I think of the trials of others and I cheer right up.
*Saying people can’t make a war against ideas doesn’t stop ideas waging war against people.