October 23rd-November 21st

ELEMENT:  
Water. A roiling boil…enough to peel  
your hide off.

QUALITY:  
Fixed. Scorpios never forget, forgive,
or let you live in peace.

SYMBOL:  Scorpion. They actually can
destroy themselves in their attempts
at revenge.

RULER:  Pluto and Mars…
which equals being paranoid and
suspicious…OCD driven.

FAVORITE PASTIME:
Scheming and plotting.

DREAM JOB:  Executioner

KEY PHRASE:
“I’ll get you, my pretty!”…or…
“Fuck it, and Fuck you!”

BODY PART:  Sex organs…‘nuff said.

Scorpio is the eighth sign of the zodiac, and lives in the House of Death, Sex, and other people’s junk. What I should tell you is that Scorpios are intensely mysterious, sensual beings blessed with the gift of regeneration…like the Phoenix rising from its ashes…..make that a monster rising from his crypt. The rotten Scorpios are obsessed, secretive, control freaks who vampirically suck your energy dry to replenish their egos. Of all the signs, Scorpios are the most susceptible to the forces of darkness and light.
Their ruling planets of Mars and Pluto (yes, it’s a planet, again) do them no favors. Mars is the God of conflict and aggression, and gives Scorpio its suspicious nature. Pluto is the God of extremes, and brings an unmatched instinct for survival to Scorpio’s table. In other words, they will survive….no matter WHAT.
Their favorite movie? Any of the “SAW” movies, as they would cut their foot off to save themselves, but might not want to walk across the street to get you a coney. They are extreme, and not at all rational…they refuse to compromise, as that is weakness in their playbook. They are all-or-nothing in their energies.
“Assimilate or die!” as the Borg would say. Scorpios probably got misty-eyed during that part of the show on “Star Trek the Next Generation”, because it‘s their mantra.
If you are dumb enough to argue with this sign of the zodiac, you will suffer a verbal beating worse than getting caught smoking by an aged nun in a Catholic School.

“If only I had a little humility, I would be perfect.”
Ted Turner  (Scorpio)

Scorpio men are passionate and loyal, candid and captivating…with an oozing, magnetic charm. They are sexy as hell, but dig a bit deeper, and you’ll find a selfish, potentially unfaithful ass-wipe who will screw around precisely to avoid intimacy. The male Scorpion lives for power and control. He craves being Mr. Big. He is jealous, possessive, and sarcastic. There’s no handling him. Just put up or shut up.

“To seduce a woman famous for strict morals, religious fervor, and the happiness of her marriage…what could possibly be more prestigious?”
Christopher Hampton (Scorpio)

The Scorpio male communicates by threats. He’s always going to leave you…or he lies.
The only thing harder to rid yourself of than a Scorpio man is a Cancer woman.
He exists in a seething cauldron of emotional baggage, and is so buried in it trying to figure out his own emotional shit, that he will NEVER understand yours.
The Scorpio woman embodies total confidence and grace, and she can sense your every mood, and is friendly, but reserved. The bad part is…..she’s an ego crusher of the highest caliber. She can destroy your pride in one fell swoop, and chop off your nuts for the fun of it. She is fearless and maddeningly inquisitive (nosy), and will hunt you down and flush you out….she taught the bloodhound how to track!
The Scorpio woman instinctively knows that the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage. Don’t ever think of betraying this woman. Don’t threaten her in any way, or embarrass her…ever. The Scorpio woman betrayed is like an immortal vampire, ever returning to suck the life force out of you. She is clinically depressed, and on more medication than a chimp test subject….(sorry, PETA)

She lives for gossip and drama, and finds quality reading through trashy tabloids. No man is ever her equal, and in a relationship she will attempt early on to make you her doormat with an embossed “WELCOME” beaten into your ass.

“Never give up, and never under any circumstances face the facts.”  
Ruth Gordon (Scorpio)

Scorpios have difficult lives, and continue to seek out those that “done them wrong” long after the “wrong-doer” has moved on. Moods of a Scorpio range from irritable to pissed off. They brood, sulk, spy, and cheat just for the fun of it.
You Scorpios out there are aware of your faults, but intensely proud of them. Scorpios are paranoid and private, making great psychopaths and stalkers. The most intense of all the signs, they have never just “gone with the flow”. Tell a Scorpio to lighten up, and they’ll probably take a lighter to you.
 The Scorpio’s philosophy is “Shut up and mind your own business.”

“Speak softly, and carry a big stick.”
Theodore Roosevelt  (Scorpio)

Living with a Scorpio is like being a permanent guest on the Jerry Springer Show. This is pure Scorpionic hell.

“I have no responsibility to be politically correct.”
Demi Moore  (Scorpio)

A Scorpio teenager will control the entire household by emotional manipulation, or out of control juvenile delinquent behavior. The kid has his or her own agenda, and you are a clueless ‘tard. Never let them borrow anything that is yours…you will never see it again, unless it’s affixed to a voodoo doll in your likeness!
With a Scorpio, you have to learn to accept them as they are. Just play the game. The Scorpio’s primary impulse is to attack (verbally or physically), and then end the relationship. Their Major Arcana card in the Tarot is the DEATH card….endings and beginnings. The knowledge that they have a terrifying fear of rejection deeply buried within them…is the primary motivating force behind their actions.
Their beliefs and opinions rarely change, so give up on trying to bring new enlightening information to them. They may act impervious to an emotional crisis, which might come across as cruel or aloof, when in reality they do it as a form of self-preservation.
Next time your Scorpio is doing the “Grumpy Cat” about the way you loaded the dishwasher, or staring like a statue out the window, because Aunt Gerty never returned their call that they made 5 minutes ago…just grab that Scorpio by the hand. No words are necessary by either of you, but you will find they won’t let go, and the next time their feelings are hurt, they will be more likely to tell you what’s wrong, and less likely to pick a fight over the cable bill.

ROMANTIC DAYS: October 23

CLARITY OF THOUGHT:  
Oct. 23,  Nov. 8

GOOD DAYS:  October 23, Nov. 20,21

DIFFICULT DAYS:  November 5,6,7

Lady Ocalat is a Professional Astrologist,
Reiki Master, Minister, Paranormal Investigator, and Tarot Reader.
She can be reached at 218-722-2240,
or at Lady Ocalat’s Emporium in downtown Duluth.