New Same Sex Marriage Law Lets People Be Who They Are
On Tuesday, May 14, Gov. Mark Dayton signed into law a bill legalizing same sex marriage in Minnesota making it the 12th U.S. state to approve same sex marriage. The day before, members of the Minnesota Senate held personal speeches for about four hours before finally voting on the HF 1054 bill.
A range of views were covered by the Senators including Dist. 7 Sen. Roger Reinert (DFL) almost breaking into tears as he said, “I vote today to give something that’s not really mine to give... I vote to ratify the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” “Our civil institutions must be open and accessible to all‚ I know in my heart of hearts that today, love wins,” stated Dist. 11 Sen. Tony Loury (DFL).
Views from the GOP included Dist. 56 Sen. Dan Hall, “There is a lot of grieving going on today,” said Hall. “I’ve been accused of attacking same-sex marriage because I disagree with the lifestyle... when did disagreeing become a personal attack?” added Hall. Dist. 34 Sen. Warren Limmer stated, “I’m sorry we don’t have room for people of faith in our statute books anymore.”
The Reader contacted Carolyn Reisberg, a gay woman in her 40s who has worked setting up events such as Pride Fest and has been in a relationship with her current partner for three years. Times and attitudes were different when Reisberg was growing up and she has gone from not understanding herself to feeling accepted in the community and now in the eyes of the law of Minnesota.
Reader: When did you become gay?
Reisberg: Since the minute I was born.
Reader: What struggles did you face during childhood? I understand that you were institutionalized because of this.
Reisberg: I always wanted to have a wife, I was always attracted to women. The only thing I ever heard of back then, I didn’t know anything about gay people, but I heard about Renee Richards the tennis player that was a man who became a woman and I thought that I was a transexual because I wanted to be with women and I’d never heard of any women being with women or even masculine women like myself. There were never any role models. I thought I was transgender for the longest time and that I’d have to get a sex change. I was raised in a Lutheran family and prayed every night that I’d be a boy.
I was institutionalized at 15 or 16 because my parents really didn’t know what to do with me and I was confused as well. I grew up in the 70s; I tried drugs and all sorts of things. I don’t think I was trying to cover anything up or use the drugs to hide anything, it was more that those people accepted me and so I hung out with them.
Reader: What area was this?
Reisberg: Robbinsdale, Minnesota.
Reader: This was all back in the 70s. When did society’s attitudes start to change? When did you start to notice when people became more accepting?
Reisberg: I would have to say the 90s maybe, the mid-90s. So it was a long time. I remember walking at the State Fair, I must have been 25, holding hands with a girl and some guy totally freaked out on me. I looked a lot different then than I do now. I was thin with long hair and fit in with the scene. I liked the way I looked back then, but was clearly more feminine than the way I look now. It was obvious it was two girls holding hands when that guy freaked out. Now it’s so different. If they know, they don’t care, or if they don’t, they just think I’m a dude. I am transgender, I just never wanted to have my parts changed. I’m ok with being half man and half woman. It’s just who I am and my friends and family don’t have any problem with it.
Reader: People who have hate towards gay or transgender people, where do you think that’s stemming from?
Reisberg: Fear…and religion. And they kind of go hand in hand.
Reader: I understand that you might be planning on getting married after this has been passed?
Reisberg: My partner and I have been friends for 13 years and together for three and we would like to get married. But we’re not getting married today or tomorrow or jumping into it or anything. I have friends who just had a baby and I’ve already been to their wedding. I’ve been to so many weddings already that haven’t been legal and I just think that for same sex couples with children, they have to be able to be married. It should be there for everybody.
Reader: Do you think that children who are raised in a same-sex marriage or relationship, there’s some talk about confusion, do you think that’s going to impact children at all in a negative way?
Reisberg: No, I’ve actually raised children. I’m almost 50 now and I’ve had a partner with four children and they’re not confused at all and they never were during the whole relationship. To this day I’m still friends with them and we communicate. They have kids of their own now and their kids aren’t confused either.
Reader: I’m not sure if you’ve traveled around, is Minnesota in anyway more accepting?
Reisberg: Minnesota is my home state and I love Duluth. My deal is that I live in a bubble. I’m surrounded at my work place, in my family life and my friend life, everyone I do business with knows who I am, knows what I’m all about. So I live in a bubble where I’m not affected a lot by people who don’t like gays. I choose to live my life around people who aren’t like that. Whenever I am outside of my bubble, it hurts me and makes me cry and forget what it was like back in the day and then I run immediately back to my bubble.
Reader: With people growing up and figuring out who they are who aren’t in a bubble, how is that?
Reisberg: It takes balls and it takes guts, but you have to go out of your comfort zone and you have to be whoever it is you’re going to be. My life right now and for so many years‚Ķ.you got to dig deep you got to find your way out of it and be yourself. Once you can be yourself you can just be so happy and you can achieve goals that you never thought you can achieve. You can do whatever you want to do once you can be ok with yourself. It’s freeing, it’s like chains being lifted off of you.
The decision made by Senators and Gov. Dayton in the Capitol this week weighed out the views of what people have learned and choose to believe versus who some people are and who would be living an unhappy lie if they were to have it any other way. Not one person was ever born with an interpretation of the bible in their head. During the debate before the vote on Monday, Senator Reinert made a point about his sister’s choice to marry, this law takes one more step in civil rights in America, “fifty years ago this would have been about the color of her skin. A hundred years ago this would have been about her sex. Each time our country reached this decision point it has come out on the right side of history.”
