Homegrown Chicken
Missing: Police have Suspects

Scouton

Black

The iconic Homegrown Chicken has gone missing on Wednesday night, March 27, and Police suspect fowl play. The primary suspect is Tyler Scouton the local frontman of the industrial rock group Bratwurst. Scouton was the last person to be seen with the Chicken at R.T. Quinlan’s where they sat together for several hours. Scouton’s lawyer claims the Chicken and Scouten each went their own ways after leaving the bar. “I’m can’t say for sure if it was Tyler, but if you’ve seen a Bratwurst show, he certainly has some kind of unnatural thing for meat,” said Homegrown Director, Walt Dizzo.
This is not the first time Scouton has been accused of harming a Homegrown mascot. In 2010 Scouton brutally killed the Quizard as the disturbed audience looked on. The murder of the Quizard was deemed as self-defense after police found evidence showing that the Quizard secretly wanted to destroy all bands in the Twin Ports that didn’t play bluegrass music and that Scouton would be the first to be annihilated to set an example to other bands in the area of what would happen if they did not play bluegrass.
The other suspect in the disappearance of Homegrown Chicken is the legendary music promoter, Vic Black. Many are aware that since Black has been in the Duluth area he has tried on numerous occasions to take over and change Homegrown so it would include mostly non-local major label bands. Police found Homegrown Chicken’s cell phone several blocks away. “We found numerous harassing texts and voice messages from Mr. Black to the Chicken on the phone. There weren’t any specific threats but they certainly weren’t very nice messages,” said Police Chief Gordon Ramsay. Both men were questioned and released on their own recognizance.

Northland
Enquirer Weather

Forecast Predicts Six More
Feet of Snow Through May

stop sign buried in snow.

Don’t pack away that shovel just yet, actually investing in a truck with a plow and pair of snowshoes might be a better idea. Meteorologists have predicted at least six more feet of snow through the month of May. “It’s going to be a hard pill for many up here to swallow after this winter where we’ve already seen higher than average snowfall. Some people might move out of the area by the time the snow is done,” said Fox 21 Meteorologist, Jason Sydejko. To make matters worse, whenever it is not snowing, temperatures will plummet to record lows for this time of year. “We will most likely see temperatures anywhere from ten to thirty below zero when it’s not snowing. These temperatures will continue until about the middle of May,” added Sydejko. Patches of snow may still be around until July.