(St. Paul, Minn) State lawmakers, with the approval of Governor Mark Dayton, signed into law what moose enthusiasts are calling a “fantastic” bill. Effective April 1st counties throughout Minnesota will be kicking off the start of a year-round wolf hunting season. Proponents of the bill aren’t even calling it a “season.”
“A season infers that there is a beginning and an end. After signing this bill into law, hopefully, there will be no end to wolf season. We just keep shooting until all those calculating vermin are dead.” said Darrel Carlyle, a staunch outdoorsman as well as a supporter of our dwindling regional moose population.
“Wolves are responsible for several moose deaths each year. These moose have had their throats torn out, flesh ripped from the bone. It almost brings me to tears. Have you ever seen Rocky and Bulwinkle? What could be cuter than that? I won’t sleep until these moose get some well-deserved justice.”

Written into the language of the bill is an interesting addendum: Wolves may be taken by trap, bow, any caliber of firearm as well as grenades, RPGs, (Rocket Propelled Grenades) flamethrowers, other military-style weapons and any weapon that would be deemed illegal to own otherwise, are eligible for use in the witch oops... wolf hunt. At the end of the queue reads one more stipulation: “Or by any means necessary.”
Opponents of the bill rallied around the capitol Wednesday, decrying Governor Dayton’s decision, holding signs that read, “We should only kill wolves for a small portion of the year!” and “Grenades and wolves don’t mix!”
Recent problems with wolves prompted the legislation which was welcomed with overwhelming support from virtually every Minnesota lawmaker. “Problem” wolves around Minnesota have an observed penchant for spilling blood whenever they are hungry according to the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources. The drive for wolves to feed themselves is taking a toll on moose as well as white tailed deer.
DNR officials hailed Dayton’s decision, applauding it as “positive reinforcement for moose populations.”
Mixed emotions were felt among rural and urban residents around the state.
Minneapolis transplant Ben Bulfonni told the Northland Enquirer, “After I saw that Liam Neeson flick about killer wolves, I haven’t been able to leave my front porch. I know I’m an adult, but I’m nowhere near as tough as Liam Neeson, and look how it turned out for him.”
Barnum native Martha Malmstein didn’t see much of problem evolving.
“I’ve never actually seen a wolf. I don’t think anyways. They must be pretty sly murderers.”
The reactions of most hunters ranged from ho-hum to absolutely ecstatic. Brent Barett of Moose Lake hunts grouse every fall but now with wolves on the roster, he has something new to kill.
“One time while I was up in my deer stand I saw a wolf walking through the brush below me. It seemed pretty harmless. At the time it was illegal to shoot and I didn’t. But now it’s like why not?”
Other hunters like Bill Borfrund are buying up large caliber ammunition in bulk and are planning on camping out for days or possibly weeks.
“ We’ve got large numbers of land mines planted over hundreds of acres of potential wolf habitat.” said Borfrund; referring to the dense woodland area surrounding his residence in Carlton. 
“I’ve got a dozen or so trail cams linked to automated .50 caliber tree-mounted turrets. Some say it’s a little overkill.”
Borfrund admits he’s spent over $50,000 preparing for the hunt.
“In the end, it will be worth it.”

The DNR estimates the wolf population to be about 3,000 in Minnesota. Anywhere from 250,000 to 500,000 hunters will be actively pursuing said wolves in the coming days, likely wiping out the entire population by this time next week.