Let There Be Light

Harry Drabik

 

       

   My political superiors have succeeded. They have shown me there is a better way and a new future. In short, I’ve been inspired. People who know me will freely offer opinions on the ways some of my inspirations have run. But as with many important areas of life inspiration is its own boss. We can no more order it on or off than we’re able to issue a romantic command to fall in love NOW. 

   The particular source of my inspiration is the progressive proposal that everyone has the right to a job. Wow, there’s 100% employment right there in black and white in one simple package. Everyone, has a hu-gal right to a job. Over the years I’ve often heard work is ennobling. This sentiment, however, is most often said by people with manicured fingers. In itself that shouldn’t be enough to overthrow the notion, but it does cast some question on the functional nobility of blisters. But in a spirit of being agreeable and welcoming fresh (can signify crackpot easily as genius) ideas I gladly embraced the spirit of everyone being entitled to a job. Good idea. All will work. I’m for it. 

   But then, what is it I’m agreeing to? Who picks the jobs for us? If we the people do it we’d soon have a surplus of highly paid brain surgeons and not enough brains to go around. If we all pick clean-hands jobs who is going to fix the lawnmower or get up at 3 AM to drive a garbage truck? The people proposing the idea may have a solution worked out through a system of aptitude testing and work allocation. The job I have a right to could be assigned. That’s a solution unless I’m not particularly interested in driving a dump truck or labor in the underground mines of proctology. 

   The flaw (seems basic and unavoidable once you look at it) in work-for-all is in fitting work to worker. Plus a perfect plan needs to take in some of the possible real issues such as the person who wants to be a cashier as a way to be on the phone to their friends. Fine for them as they chat and make change, but what about those in a line moving half speed checkout with chitchat lane?  (It may be interesting to learn what the cashier will wear to the party, but not on my time unless I request the relaxed time’s-no-worry lane.) Stands to reason, too, there will be more average paying jobs than top paying ones. The way to fix that makes a lot of low wage earners smile at being rewarded. But how will the neurosurgeons and technical specialists react to stressful work that’s averaged out? Might as well stack hay than open a skull if the pay’s similar and the stress isn’t. 

   Now to be honest, I think it’s a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful idea to see that everyone has a good job. There may be a detail here or there needing adjustment, but other that the issue of managing the entire work and pay system for some hundreds of millions of us there should be smooth sailing because we humans are by nature easy going and welcoming of big systems in search of more cogs. I know better than fault a near-perfect plan or pure-perfect religion. I can however leave those perfections to stand in glory while adding a modest but useful suggestion of my own. 

   Unfortunately for me, most all the good stuff suitable for perfecting has already been snapped up by political seers. By now we know well enough bicycles have to replace carbon emitting cars and beef has to go because cows are notorious methane makers. Energy, climate, immigration, jobs, health care, etc. all have comprehensive universal plans that will fix things just right. With bans on all things problematic from nuclear, to mines, to guns we will achieve a perfected state of stasis. But is it, I ask in Iron Range humility, not possible we’ve so far overlooked one of the most basic rights to put on the list? What about light? Isn’t each of us entitled by hu-person birth to a full 12 hours of useful light every day? Natural light would be preferred, but if unavailable then 16 hours of suitable unnatural light would be a reasonable substitute. Life needs light, plants especially. But we all need it so let’s set our sights on improving the photosphere to meet this basic hu-being requirement. 

   Some will remind us natural light contains levels of harmful UV.  For them we can immediately offer the safety of the Soudan Underground or if demand requires it a series of roofed over mine pits can accommodate large numbers of the light-sensitive light-entitled population of hu-people, or as I fondly call them hu-peeps offensive to only some frogs and immature poultry. Tackling big problems is not beyond us. All we need do is have the boldness to not be daunted by findings of the uncooperative sort. We can ignore them. I say revoke their privilege and send them back to deplorativity there to languish with other hopeless causes such as Y2K. On the way to the universal right to light we will not be stopped. Just think how much better it will be when everyone is properly lit up half of each day? Imagine the expansion of benefits from so much enlightenment. We can grant college degrees at birth and save a bundle on higher education no longer needed and use those huge savings to give ourselves raises for the jobs we’re all entitled to. A cashier should be able to pull in over $100,000 for doing their part to make all our lives better. Let There Be Light. Remember it. A good idea cannot be denied. 

   UMM, on a different tack now. Does anyone know the story behind the picture-perfect hunting/trapper shack on County 4 not many miles north of Island Lake? Tell me if you will.