Playing it Cool with the Flaming Shot of Bacardi 151
by Paul Whyte
I don’t often quote the bible, but according to Ecclesiastes 3:1, “There is a time for everything, and a reason for every activity under the heavens.” If your desired activity is to get shitty drunk and do things you might regret, may I suggest Bacardi 151 shots. Some might cleverly disguise this beast of a beverage in a punch or wapatui, but those looking for just an all around fun and unpleasant experience will take the shot straight. This delightful drink has just been recently discontinued so live it up while it’s still in stock.
For the ultimate way to impress your friends and everyone at the bar, be sure to light the shot on fire first. If you’re looking to have a REALLY fun time, don’t bother blowing the shot out before you take it. Nothing is more hardcore than showing up to work the next day (or more likely in a couple of days due to the recovery time from all the “fun” you can have with this drink) with first and second degree burns around your mouth. Try not to spill the drink while it’s on fire, that’s kind of important.
The flavor of Bacardi 151 is kind of like regular Bacardi except for a notable sense of burning as the pure alcohol interacts with the sensitive interior of your mouth. Learning to enjoy this feeling just proves to everyone that you’re really badass, and perhaps most importantly, proves to yourself that you are in fact really badass.
The urge to spit out the drink as it enters the mouth might come from the body’s desire to save itself from consuming highly flammable things. Your body is wrong and just doesn’t want you to have fun. Super lame, body, quit trying to ruin a good time!
Pat yourself on the back as you wretch to swallow and then hold down the drink. There’s really no right or wrong way to go about preparing for 151 shots except having a stomach that is too empty is almost as bad as having a stomach that is too full. The reason why having less on your stomach might be better is the amount that might come back up if your gut rejects it. Of course having something to absorb the booze might have merits as well. Be sure to drink 151 shots often to figure out which is best for you and also to get your body more used to it.
In case the shot does not agree with you, be sure to have an exit strategy. If that shot is definitely not going to stay down, be sure to act immediately. There are usually two good options: either you’re going to the bathroom or outside to spew. I think it’s important to note that there is some basic etiquette if you’re too much of a pussy loser to have to abort all the fun you’re having.
If you hit the bathroom, do not puke in the urinal. You just went from being a weak and pathetic piece of shit that can’t hold their liquor to a total asshole on top of that. Toilets can be flushed, trash cans can be taken out, it’s ridiculously gross and difficult to clean puke out of a urinal and everyone is going to be gagging as they try to piss your barf down the drain until the bartender has to deal with it.
If you go outside, do not puke right in front of the entry/exit. Again, the bartender is going to have to deal with it immediately because having a big pile of vomit that everyone has to step over in the doorway is not great for business. Quickly scope out a place where there won’t be much foot traffic like between some dumpsters, or at the edge of the building. The less obvious you are the better, because everyone is going to think you suck if you throw up and make a big deal of it. If someone notices a pile of puke on the side of the building and mentions it afterwards not knowing it was you, berate the action, “Someone puked? Wow, stay at home if you can’t hold your booze…what a loser.”
I should explain correct puking stance because many get it wrong and it might be important in not being detected. Find a good spot to do the deed. Again, making sure no one finds out is the best way to have a good time. Set your feet apart and lean over as far as you can to make sure the projectile vomit goes away from you, your clothes and shoes. Leaning over also minimizes your profile if you found a discreet place. Brace yourself with one hand against a sturdy object as to not fall over into your own puddle of barf. Allow yourself some time to get out as much as you need to.
If you throw up at the bar in front of everyone you just totally suck as a person and expect to be cut off and lose respect from all your friends and everyone at the bar. The best thing to do is go straight home and start making plans to move away.
So, you couldn’t handle the shot and played the vomiting part well, what do you do now? Have another drink! Yes, your body just purged itself and now it’s time for another drink. You don’t want your friends thinking you’re some jerk who has limits. Get yourself built back up on something refreshing like a gin and tonic or a light beer before attempting another 151 shot. If someone asks if you threw up, lie and say you had to step away for a call from someone really hot and will probably hook up with them later. And that, dear readers, is how to play it cool with the flaming shot of Bacardi 151.